Road Rage and Musings

Forgive me if you've heard this already, it's at the top of my "things to complain about list."

First off, Evan and I share a car.  This has proved difficult for us, but we make it work.  We had two cars in Richmond, Evan drove a bit of a clunker and decided to not bring it with us when we moved because there was a very real possibility it would break down on the way.  And neither of us wanted to make the 16 hour drive alone anyhow.

For the most part, it has been fine.  Evan can get to class easily(less than a 1/3 mile walk), we go to church together anyhow, when we need to go different places at the same time we either time it so one can drop the other off, or hitch a ride with someone close by.  This semester however, Evan has practicum.

This means he has to spend 8 hours a week shadowing a school psychologist and gaining field experience.  Over the summer, Evan went to the professor in charge of placements with a friend (the only other male in their year) and both voiced their concerns that they were without transportation.  It is known that placements in Conway are rare so even though he talked to her he knew it was still not a guarantee.  Her response, "I'll take that into consideration," Wasn't very reassuring either.

When she had made all of the placements she announced to the class "There are two placements in Conway!"  Evan had fingers crossed he had one of them.  He got his e-mail and he was assigned to...

...Pulaski County.

One of the first things my teacher friend told me was- Don't work for Pulaski County.  Apparently, the district has so many issues at the district level, it trickles into the schools and it is always a struggle.  That isn't even our biggest issue.  This placement is a FORTY FIVE MINUTE drive.  Luckily (and unbeknownst to this professor who has seemed to be out to get us) one of the schools this particular School Psych works at is the middle school of one of the kids I nanny.  So we worked it out so Evan would ride to work with me and either I drop him off or he drops me off and then we ride home together when we are both done.  It takes a litle finagling and a lot of extra driving, but we make it work.

As it turns out, Evan isn't getting all of the experiences he needs at the middle school and really needs to go to a different site (the school psych has different schools she visits, elementary, middle, and high).  He asked what elementary school she worked at, and we mapped it.  45 minutes in no traffic.  Also, 30 miles from where I work.  Sigh.

So yesterday we set out to find this place.  We drove through every bit of morning rush hour on the Arkansas Highway System of Death.  It took us nearly an hour and a half to get there.  On the way home I was nearly run off the road multiple times by pickup truck drivers that choose not to see my tiny Yaris.  By the time I got home (two hours after leaving the house) I was tired of driving and mad about how far we have to go to fulfill this requirement.

I set out to pick him up in the afternoon before the kids got out of school.  I was hating my life at that moment and thinking over and over that this is all that professor's fault.  And just channeling my rage toward her.  Then I thought, this isn't fair to her.  She only has so many places to send her students. This is the placement we've been given, there is nothing we can do to change it.   We are in a place to get Evan a car and are working on that so before too long we won't have to share rides anymore.  A thought came to my mind then, "When upon life's billows you are tempest tossed..." And I realized, yeah.  I should sing some hymns.  I turned the radio down and sang what hymns I could remember.  By the time I got to the elementary school to pick Evan up I felt immensely better.  And he was pleased with his experience.  Much more so than he had been any day at the middle school.

Somedays I come home and my head feels like a beehive, just buzzing and throbbing because I spent the day listening to kids that aren't mine whine about EV-ER-Y-THING while I make them a hot meal and clean up after them, and shuttle them to extra-curriculars, and fold their laundry.  And somedays I come home happy because they said, "Thank you" and smiled and told me they loved me, and were happy to spend time with me and their siblings.

What is it that makes these days so significantly different?  My perspective.  Every day has all of these elements, it has much more to do with what I see and acknowledge.  As I've taken on spending more time with them (especially since the other nanny left) and trying to fit in with their family, I've noticed that when I choose to look for the good, I come out of the day more energized and happy.  It is all about how I choose to act and feel that changes the mood of the day.

Sometimes we make sacrifices and compromises, and it is irritating and seems unjust.  But when we stop to look, there are blessings there too.  It's all about how you choose to look at it.  I need to relearn that lesson a lot it seems.  But I'm ok with it.  I'll perfect it one day, but for now it is a work in progress.